2 days and counting and one for Molly!

well my Brazilian Visa came on Friday - that was a very quick turn around - i was very worried last week. I guess there are no reasons to not go anymore.

money is going to be very tight until I can sell my vehicle - but it's what I've got to do.

The weather has been a serious hassle - I've been staying at my parent since Friday and on the way back out last night it was like the down pour to end all down pours. heavy rain, lightening and just bascially chaos on the roads last night.

Molly sent me an e-mail - I read it yesterday. Not sure what to think or how to feel - she's part of the reason I'm so ready to leave Southern Alberta behind for awhile. I just wrote her back - not sure if that was good idea or not but all I can do is follow my heart and say what I have to say - and hope for the best.

I bascially told her that im leaving but if she want's back in my life she is always welcome back ...maybe it would have been better to thank her for thinking of me but it was time to say goodbye forever (not really because i think of her everyday, all day.) I dont know but all i know is she affects me like no other has or ever will.

sometimes saying goodbye to something you love but also hurts you is the hardest thing to do. I wonder if we'd ever be a good match for each other or if we'll always end up hurting each other.

some quotes from Cassablanca to help soothe my heart:

"if that plane leaves the ground and you're not with him; you'll regret it. maybe not today,maybe not tomorrow. but soon and for the rest of your life."

"When I said I would never leave you" "And you never will. But I've got a job to do,too. Where I'm going you can't follow. What I've got to do you can't be any part of."


So Molly - I don't know anymore. maybe we try again, maybe this time it works out, maybe we just drift away again, maybe we try again and end up hurting each other, maybe I go away and come back and we're both changed and ready to rule the world. But right now I said what I need to say to you - nothing bad, but with all my heart and honesty.

Molly - I'm not sure we can ever be what each other wants - I want more than anything to be want you want and need. But it seems you can never give yourself to me and I cannot stop myself from taking everything to heart and being broken hearted when you let me down. I'll never be the best looking or richest guy, no house in the suburbs, nothing stable with me - except my love and feelings for you.

Sometimes I wish I never met you - life would be so much easier. Why now, why did you contact me when I was so ready to be over you and move on.

All that's left to say Molly is:

"It's hard to tell you this, Here's looking at you kid..."

At least for now....