Brazil

Well been ages since an update.

1. i just finished my first year of teaching and i will be back in the fall to teach highschool again - not sure if i will come back.

2. I will be heading back down to Brazil to train at Gordo's academy next week - i will be leaving on july 13 and stay for a month and be back mid August.

3. i will be heading down to brazil in a much better mindset that I was last year - not as much baggage as last year. So i hope this translates to a better time; not only training but just the overall experience of Brazil and Rio.

4. i know that i will have to sacrifice lots to atain my goal of black belt in BJJ - but i will do it, i know that this will bring much more joy than anything else i've ever done.

5. i wanted to do the Rio Open but since i have not trained much up here i will have to skip it - just focus on a couple of training goals. Which are:

a) working on my guard passing - i was working on this prior to having to leave Rio early.

b) side mount - not only maintaining position but subbing from there.

c) Close guard - attacking (looking for the submission or sweep) as opposed to a surviving closed guard.

6. I want this year to be great - i want to continue training once i return to Canada and be well on my way to Purple by this time next year. I want to be open to everything.

7. I've spent too much time worrying about the future and harboring on the past - It si time to start living in the moment, the now! The past is dead and gone and the future is not here and more-so the future hinges on what I do in the NOw! So here to the new mindset - it will be hard work but nothing is worth having that does not come without sacrifice or hardwork.

8. Want to try surfing while in Rio....it was one of my plans but plans got cut short last year.

Well that is my update - this blog will be updated more often as I am now looking to Rio and Gordo's academy once again. Oh yeah - bless you if you are reading this.

Andre

2nd last day in Brazil.

By now anyone who reads this will know that I came back to Canada early because of a family emergency that needed to be tended to.

Well those last few days were pretty sad for me. I was just starting to find my place in Brazil and my Jiu Jitsu finally felt like it was reaching it's potential. After years of only being able to train off and on - and some times off for extended periods of time. And all that built up knowledge felt like it was starting to come out on the mats - little by little. Coupled with the knowledge and experience I was picking up down in Rio it felt like the potential was there to take it to new heights. Then of course the craziness started and well it got cut short.

All was not lost as on my second last day in Rio I had gone out to take some pictures and decided to drop by the academy to get some photos from the evening training session that night (Tuesday October 20th) it was a sad time for me as I did not really want to leave; especially under the circumstances that I was leaving under. Emotionally I was a mess those last few days in Rio - and of course it's extended on to my time here in Canada - but I was constantly breaking down: sad because I was leaving, sad because I feared the worst for my father and family, sad because I was not finished what I had started, sad because I was coming home to nothing. I'm not ashamed to say that some tears were shed explaining to Rommel what was going on and why I was not staying as long as I had planned.

I took some pictures of the guys training and after class Gordo and Rommel suggested that I and the guys who were training that night take a group photo. So we all got together for the photo by the training cage with the Gordo logo. Just as we had lined up Gordo pulled out some belts and called me up and awarded me my Blue Belt for winning my category at the Copa Cyclone Jiu Jitsu Tournament 2009. It was very unexpected and a great going away gift - an early present so to speak. It made my leaving a lot more easy because I had achieved one of my Goals for my Rio training trip.

I was able to hold back my emotions and receive my blue belt with a smile on my face. It took a bit longer than i thought it would - i was gunning to receive my blue belt within a month but actually training was a reality check. But I managed to get it done about a month or so later than I had hoped to; but it got done.

There was one more crazy story that occurred on my last day in Brazil but I will save that for my next blog. In the mean time the photos are from my second last day (last evening) in Rio at Gordo's gym.


*That's Gordo in the white Gi giving me my Blue belt and Rommel in the Black Gi after the Group picture.

Please let me have who I want this time, what I want...

Nothing really to this particular blog - just on my last couple of days of work and feeling scared and happy all at once. I will miss working here and the cool co-workers I work with and just the atmosphere here at the U of L.

Things seem to be slowly going forward - I just heard from Pousada da Sol. in Barra da Tijuca section of Rio and they sent me a quote for one room. Pousada da Sol is like 15 minutes walk from Gracie Barra in Barra da Tijuca - so i hope this works out it would be perfect.

I just hate to get my hopes up; as every time i do things seem to just go to hell and fall apart. I got my passport in the mail, finally. Now just book my flight, send away for my visa, sell my Jeep. And then off to find some happiness.

This song is from the movie This is England and it's just my soundtrack to my life on June 29th, 2009.

"The life that I've had can make a good man bad. For once in my life let me have who

I want. Lord knows it would be the first time."

Take care and all the best to anyone who reads this.

peace

A.

No Retreat, No Regrets!

My Mantra for the past 10 months (copped from a Gaslight Anthem tune) has been as source of self-preservation of sorts.  One may be inclined to ask, how so?  The particular line is from the song “Meet Me by the River’s Edge” has struck me since the first time I’ve heard the song – to be honest all of the Gaslight Anthem catalog has had a profound effect on me but that’s another story.  The ending of the song is as follows:

 

Sally said, Sally said

“I can’t take no more regret”

It cut us too deep into our souls

Came and climbed into our head

Sally said, Sally said

Meet me by the River’s Edge

Were going to wash these sins away

Or else we won’t come back again

Now no retreat, no regrets (3x)

Meet me by the River’s edge

 

Here is the Youtube clip of the song:

If you ever had the pleasure of hearing his particular song you’ll know doubt be familiar with the urgency in which the song and the line “No Retreat, No Regret” are sung.  The kind of urgency and honesty that really good music has; I won’t get into the farce that the world of music has found itself in – and yet again as Hammy Hamster would say “that’s another story.”

 

Long story short – this particular line has become my inspiration whenever times are tough – and lately they’ve been fairly rocky.  And over time it has become my theme for the year 2009.  2009 is to be my year of change and reclamation of the self I used to be.  A ‘self’ that had confidence, hope, happiness, dreams, and the willingness and courage to chase those dreams. If you know me well then you’ll know what I’m planning on doing and what dream/desire I’m chasing; as a result I will not go in to details.

 

When you up and decide to leave everything behind and try follow a dreams and chase those rainbows – in the hopes that the pot of gold will be at the end of that rainbow – you’ll no doubt question whether or not you’re making the right decision.  I question myself everyday; “is this the right path to follow?” “What am I thinking?” “What am I leaving behind?” “What, if anything, am I going to come back to?”  I’ll be honest – these ‘doubting’ questions plague me on a daily basis and all I can do is hope that my choices are the correct ones.  But in the end is not better to follow your heart, chase dreams, and try to find that happiness that is out there for the taking?  I think that slowly but surely I’ve come to realize that it is far better to fall short while chasing your dreams then to just sit back and watch the days go by till one day you’re too old walk up a set of stairs without tiring; let alone running worlds away to find that pot of gold.

 

Now back the line and song – I know the pain of regret all to well.  And it is true – it crawls deep into your soul and eats away at you little by little.  Always nagging away at your conscience reminding you how you’re wasting the days away watching the world and your dreams pass you by.  To quote main protagonist Andy in the movie (short story) “The Shawshank Redemption” “get busy living or get busy dying.”

 

Yes, that is really how life works – you can sit around watching the world pass you by or get up and catch that west bound train to your own personal promised land.  As the punk band Rancid once sang (and titled their 1998 album) “Life Won’t Wait.”

 

The other day I began to have those doubts creep in to my brain.  In the past I’ve usually let them bring down or bring my head back down out of the clouds.  But no longer, nowadays when the ‘negative’ creeps into my head, I close my eyes, think of my dreams and repeat over and over:

 

No Retreat, No Regrets!

What will life have in store for me?  I'm not sure but I'll do my best to make sure I don't feel the sting of regret any more....