If you never let me go I will never let you down.

Another week has come and gone. Time is flying here but at the same time the down time in between training sessions can seem like forever. Lately I've just been so groggy and tired that going out and taking pictures and trying to find new places in Barra da Tijuca has been out of the question.

I think that this is partially due to the fact that I cannot sleep the whole nigh through. Most nights i fall asleep about 1am local time and awake any time in between 3am and 5am - stay away for a few hours then either fall back asleep or stay awake and do the morning training session. Although I must confess that I've been going back to sleep the past week or so. I'm not sure why I'm not getting a full night's sleep. I guess there is still alot on my mind.

This past week has been a bit of a bummer in terms of training. I thought I was making progress but I'm once again finding that I'm getting my butt kicked by pretty much everyone in the gym again. Not sure if it's due to my lack of sleep and general lack of energy or just a down slide or the other guys are improving that much more and I'm stagnating at my current level. I'll try to take in stride and just hope that it's a minor downslide.

the new guys in the house are great to have around and the house seem to be alot more mellow - for the most part at least. So this is totally agreeing with me and my personality.

I was thinking about something one of my house mates said to me last week - he told me something about my jiu jitsu. I had suprised him with a move that i caught him with. He was helping me with my guard passing and then fed me an arm bar but started to roll out of the arm bar and with out thinking in immediately transitioned to the Kimura. This suprised him as he told me he had not seen anyone do this transition. He said something along that "my technique and knowledge is there but that I need to be more confident and believe in myself more." I believe this to be true. That i do lack the killer instinct and that certain "self-centered" quality that alot of jiu jitsu guys (or fighters) have. I'm working on this and it's a day to day thing. I'm pretty mellow by nature so it is a big step for me. Although I do believe quitting my job and coming here to Brazil to pursue one of my passions required alot of confidence and bravery on my part. I do believe that my confidence was shattered last year and throughout most of this year but I'm feeling it coming back - little by little.

I talked to my mom the other day and my dad is back home. He cannot do much and pretty much has to take things easy and rest. But this is a huge relief on my part. One week ago I was ready to go back home to be with my family and my dad. But he is getting better and it's only a matter of time before he's back up and going strong.

One thing i do miss is the fact that I can jump in my vehicle and just drive and go where i want to and not be limited like I am here. I think this is the most I've ever walked as an "Adult". I'm either walking or busing it around. I hope that I can afford to buy a bike so I can do some more exploring around Barra - there is still so much more to see.

I was thinking about when I will be coming home - I'll be here till December 15 and arrive back in Canada December 16 (sometime in the afternoon.) It's going to be blazing hot here in Brazil when I leave but if the past years are any indication - it will be cold and crappy back home in Canada. I'll also be having to live with my parents for awhile. I'm not sure what my plans are when I get back home. I've been thinking that substitute teaching may have to be my job for a while - to make some quick money.

There is a cute gal that sometimes shows up for Jiu Jitsu classes and I got to train with her tonight which was super cool. I also think she lives around my neighborhood. I think I will start showing more interest in her and hopefully things can blossom from there. If not - no biggie - but I would love to get to know this gal. I was too busy trying to focus on the moves that we were shown I did not think to ask her name like I usually do for new training partners. Next time - I will go up and say hi and talk to her. I don't foresee her changing my life but it would be nice to finally move on and take that plunge. You never know till you take that leap!

my sisters where to have come down during the long weekend in October for a quick trip. But with my dad's current health concerns and my mother's health concerns they decided it would be best to stay close to home - just in case. I'm fine with that - Ill survive. It will be comforting to know that they are there for my parents.

I'm going to a big MMA fight card this weekend. so that will be fun and an great experience. I'll definitely post pictures and give a re-cap of the fight night!

I miss going to starbucks and having my usual medium coffee and watching all the pretty girls. then again - Rio is filled to the brim with pretty girls.

I still find myself thinking about things that could have been and what "we" missed out on. But everyday is another day of moving on and healing the wounds that seemed to never heal. One day, One day I'll be something and someone that she will regret letting slip through her hands.

well that's it for now - try to write more - will definitely put up some pics from the fights this weekend.

Peace, love and thong bikinis ;)