Boring weekends (sleeping in);Training; Guard Passing, Posture and the Falcon Trust - Last Week at 50/50 BJJ Academy

So when I last left off I had my equivalent of the near death experience - melodramatics aside I did learn a valuable lesson that you need to keep hydrated when you're training on a day in day out basis and this lesson is heightened when you're in the middle of a heat wave in an area known for not only  heat but high humidity.

As I had mentioned previously; my sleep schedule was way off and as a result I slept in on the Saturday of my visit and missed out on the open mat.  I woke up around 2:30-3:00pm, showered, and made my way out. The plan had been to go out walking and take some pictures around Alexandria.  If you're familiar with my trips to Brazil you'll know doubt be aware that I do like to go exploring the city and area I'm living in on foot and take pictures.  So upon planning this years trip I made sure to pack my camera.

Anyhow I made my way out the door and and down the block and figured that I'd head out towards the Potomac Center then head south from there as I had seen some nice buildings and architecture from afar.  As par course with my trip thus far I was soaked in sweat a block or so from the 50/50 hotel (as it is called).  I had made sure to pack lots of water and some Gatorade to make sure that my previous days experience was not repeated.  I made it up to the Potomac Center then headed south.  I had walked maybe about 10 minutes from the center when I realized that I was not going to be doing any picture taking as it was just too hot out and the sun was beating down hard (it being mid-day).  At this point I turned around and headed back to the Potomac Center.  I went in to the Target as it was the nearest store and I was burning up by this time.  I did some window shopping to cool down then made my way down through each store.  I finally arrived at the Barns & Noble/Starbucks and sat down to veg out and try to figure out what I was going to do with my day.


As it turns out there is a movie theater in the Potomac Center and I figured that the best way to get out of the heat and do something other than sit around was to go to a movie.  So i hopped on my phone, found the listings and decided that I was going to go see the newest Harry Potter movie.  Not really being a movie critic all I'll say is that I liked the movie and it was nice to veg out and get out of the heat.  After the movie was over I walked back down the stores, grabbed some food, then sat in a different Starbucks for about an hour or so then made my way back to the house to kill time on the internet.
 Here is a picture of my movie stub for proof...ha ha:

When I arrived back to the house the Kenny and Seph were home - I do believe they went to some sort of get-together/party and Seph was a little tipsy. Other than that my Saturday was uneventful.  As per usual I stayed up late, slept-in on Sunday.

Upon waking up on Sunday I figured that I better get my traveling - I had initially decided I was going to Grayhound bus it to Charlotte but after a talk with my Ma she convinced me that perhaps trying the train would be a better option.  After some research I discovered that the Amtrax train station was not far from where I was staying and it would work out much better as I could only find a grayhound bus station in Richmond and the only bus to Charlotte leaves everyday at around 8:00am ish.

So I went on line and managed to figure out which  buses I need to jump on to get there and back.  After a long, long wait the bus finally arrived at the bus stop and it was about a 15 minute ride to the train station.  I purchased my ticket ($102.00 for a one way to Charlotte, NC from Alexandria, VA.)  After another long wait at the bus station I caught my bus and made my way back to the neighborhood where I was staying.  I decided that I should grab something to eat so again I made my way up to the Potomac Center.  Grabbed a bite to eat, headed back home and tried to prepare myself for my last few days of training at Ryan Hall's academy.

Monday was pretty much my same routine, get up, shower, make my way to starbucks for a coffee and late lunch/breakfast.  Come back to the house, shower, hop the bus, train, hop the bus back to the house.  Get off at my bus stop.  Stop at 7-11 on my walk to the house to grab a hot dog and a coke zero.  Shower, change, eat something and then veg out on the computer till I fall asleep.

During  my time at the 50/50 academy I was exposed to a whole different approach/style than I had  been previously used to.  Most notably the deep half guard and the one foot x-guard.  I've been working on the x-guard for about 2yrs now; of course my training has been spotty.  And I have found myself in the position of x-guard/deep half so my time at Ryan's academy was well spent.  Of course I think that about least a month at the academy would have been what I needed to make a real impact and work the deep half, x-guard, and one footed x-guard.

Overall there was nothing too outrageous to talk about; training, sleep, eat, and veg out.

However, one thing stands out from my last few training sessions at the academy. During the fundamentals class we worked on posturing in the guard, breaking open the guard and passing to side control and eventually the north-south choke.

Anyone familiar with being in the closed guard will no doubt know about the concept of posture which involves a few things going on at once.  For the unfamiliar I'll break it down as best I can.

you need to control the hips (of the guy holding you in his closed guard) which in most cases, in the gi, is done with one hand gripping the Gi Jacket roughly around where the ribs would be so as to create discomfort is your opponent should try to sit up.  Your other hand should be controlling his Gi pants near the waist area so as to control his hips.  You should also be looking straight in front of you (keeping your head up).  Finally, you should be, for the lack of a better explanation, thrusting your groin area into his butt so as to further immobilize his hips and create a very strong posture from which you can begin to stand up and start opening and passing the guard.

Ryan had observed us and from what I figure we we for the most part getting the gist of it.  While we were drilling the guard passing Ryan stopped us and corrected and pointed out a few things that we needed to work on.  One of them being thrusting your groin area in so as to create that strong vertical pillar that is essential for strong posture in guard.  In order to get this through to us Ryan mentioned if anyone had seen the youtube clip "FALCON THRUST" from what I can recall no one had and he said this is exactly the motion he wanted us to use when posturing up in guard.  He laughed a bit and did what I call the "Duff Man" motion from the Simpsons tv show.  Anyhow, after training I made my way back home and followed my usual ritual.

Here is the clip of the infamous "Falcon Thrust":



For some reason this clip has been labeled as offensive so it might not embed or you might have to log into a youtube account.  If so I am sorry - but you know how Puritan youtube has become in the last year or so.

Anyhow, that is the type of hip movement/thrust that Ryan wanted stress to us that we needed to use when creating that good posture to successfully open and pass an opponent's guard.

My last night at the academy was more of the same; warm up, drill, positional spar.  Like I had mentioned earlier I wish I could have stayed longer to take advantage of all the new and exciting techniques that I was learning but life is such that most good things must end.  Here are a few pics I snapped from my last night at Ryan Hall's 50/50 academy:

The first two are of Ryan, myself, Seph, and Kenny (in the arm sling). The second is of Ryan and Seph talking some strategy/technique???  The third pic is of a fellow named Courtney (last name???) that I met at the academy and was one of the guys that I got along with really well and was also very helpful with some of the techniques that I was unfamiliar with.  And finally another pic of Ryan and Seph engaged in some deep Jiu Jitsu conversation.

Thus ended my almost 2 week vacation/training excursion to Virginia and Ryan Hall's 50/50 academy.  Much like my experiences at Gordo's academy in Brazil I found that I was welcomed in to the academy as not only a foreigner (me being a Canadian) but a Jiu Jitsu student who comes from a different camp (I would consider myself a Gordo/Josh Russell student of BJJ).

I feel that in some parallel universe or another parallel life - that I'm in Virginia training everyday at 50/50 academy and loving life - despite the heat (perhaps in this parallel world it's not so hot and humid in VA.    Just as in another parallel world I'm kicking butt in Brazil and training everyday with Gordo and the jiu jitsu beasts in Barra da Tijuca in Rio.

After the photo taking Ryan thanked me and again mentioned that he felt honored that I chose his academy out off the academies in the world.  But lets be honest the honor is all mine and I have met some really good guys in Alexandria/Arlington and I hope fate and life brings me back that way as I really felt at home and good training there.

I've talked to a friend of mine from my home academy in Calgary - Gracie Barra Calgary - and he is a big fan of Ryan's and we had talked about perhaps taking a trip down that way sometime next year - I'm thinking the Easter Holiday.

If you should ever get the urge to train at a welcoming academy with lots of good jiu jitsu players and a world renowned instructor and aren't to keen on traveling to Brazil then I suggest that you contact the 50/50 academy at the address below:

http://5050bjj.com/

And ask about the 50/50 hotel - Kenny Savercool and Seph Smith would be the ones to talk to about staying there.

So that is pretty much it for this portion of my summer 2011 Jiu Jitsu trip - the next stop is South Carolina and Jeremy Arel's Great Grappling Academy - stay tuned for adventures from there.  Till then....



Peace, Love, and Happiness (whatever happiness is to you)

Andre (the king of Broken-Heart'd Jiu Jitsu...haha!!!)

Summer 2011-jiu jitsu?

Well it's been ages since I've wrote on here. Time for an update. Well last time that I wrote was in Rio (last August) and well I kinda got lazy and stopped writing. I had planned on picking it back up when I got back to Canada but my computer crashed a few days after I arrived back in Canada which in turn just helped me lose my motivation for anything.

I pretty much stopped training (work ate up most of my time and crazy winter weather helped with the lack of motiavtion.)

I had planned on going back to rio this year and competing in the rio open and trying to work my way closer to that purple belt. But as such, in my life, things just never worked out (a lack of get go and motivation on my part which led to not getting a place to stay in Connection Rio). There's really no place else i would consider staying and training Rio - Its all about Connection Rio and Gordo Jiu Jitsu. It is where my heart lies.

I will always be Gordo Jiu Jitsu and will always represent Dennis Asche and connection Rio. Well at least for as long as I'm in this world.

But things are not so bleak. I know that I cannot just sit around and be bummed out in southern, Alberta. It would lead to falling back into old patterns and depressions. So I tried to scrabble and think of what I can do.

I contacted my Friend Jeremy Ariel, whom I met on my first trip to Rio, and asked him what the chances were of him holding me up for a few weeks this summer and letting me train at his brand new gym in Charlotte, N.C. He said sure and I will be going there for a few weeks in late july and early august.

Here is Jeremy showing off what he calls the Rommel guard pass (one of my favorite instructors at Gordo's Academy).






So training at Jeremy's gym (aka Gerbil) will be the 2nd half of my summer adventure .

I'm waiting to hear if plans fall through to train at Marcelo Garcia's academy in NYC for a week or so. Here is a clip of Garcia if you're unfamiliar.





If things work out I'll also be training at Ryan Hall's academy 50/50 in Washington, D.C. If you're unfamilar with Ryan Hall here is a clip:





I'm hoping to spend 6 days at Marcelo's and another week at Ryan Hall's. Finally 2 weeks or so training with my Connection Rio buddy Jeremy. It is not Rio but it's not bad either way. However things turn out I will be happy to life, breath, and hopefully get my fire back.

I'll start posting and writing more - no matter what happens. It's part of being happy and living life. Doing what yo love and I used to love writing so much.

Peace out and leave a comment if you read this. Don't hesistate to check out my profile and send me a message if you're wondering about anything. I'll end with a little clip of Connection Rio:




Well two clips this one featuring a brief section with your's truely.







Whoever is looking out for us . . . "Guide us till the end of time"

Opening Doors in Rio - letting the sun in

Well it’s been far too long since my last update - I’m thinking that I will do 2-3 smaller blogs as opposed to my usual longer blogs.

This blog will cover the week of July 19 -25, 2010.

The week started off on a good note - I ended up going for a run on Monday afternoon then went to train that night. Overall, I pretty positive day. There is nothing really of note -as most of the days were the same, get up, eat, maybe train or go for a run during the afternoon, come home, eat, sleep, then get ready for evening training.

This week was the week of Rio Open so the gym was pretty packed each night - in fact on the Monday I had noticed there was another female black belt in the academy but did not really pay much attention as I was there to train and honestly I cannot see very well without my glasses. Once training was over I threw on my glasses and was heading out the door when I noticed that the female black belt was none other than Kyra Gracie herself. Damn, and I did not bring my camera. OH well.

Monday was also the day that a new guy moved into the house - Richie.

Anyhow I ended up training Monday to Wednesday.

I awoke fairly late on Thursday morning; which was the first day of the Rio Open. I had planned on going down to watch the guys and gals from the house compete but ended up missing out on rides to the tournament. I arrived back at the Connection Rio house and was lucky enough to run into Jeremy and he informed me that he would be heading down around 4pm as he did not have to compete till closer to 6pm. So I had a ride there (cab ride that is). As we arrived we ran in to Dennis and some of the people from the house and from the looks on their faces I knew that they did not do so well.

Jeremy asked me if I would be willing to record his matches during the Rio Open and I agreed. As for the match - well Jeremy did not do as well as expected. But he put up a great fight and in the end he walked away from the match while his opponent limped away. In-fact, in the very next match Jeremy’s opponent just ended up basically giving up because of the damage that Jeremy did to his knee. Go figure. Next time.

The next day I had also agreed to go to the open with the new guy Richie to film and give support. We were up fairly early that morning and headed off to the cab stand near the Mudial grocery store. The cab ride was pretty crazy as the cab driver was fairly slow (by Rio standards), and his vehicle began to emit smoke, in addition the oil light came on. But we managed to make it to the Tijuca tennis courts on time for Richie’s matches.

In the end Richie ended up wining his division - I got to film him. Braga Neto also helped to coach Richie. All in all a great day for my new friend. Here are a couple of photos of Richie:





We also trained later that night and ended up getting to meet BJJ legend Vinicius “Draculio” Magalhaes as he dropped by Gordo’s academy for an interview with Dennis. Check photo for proof (ha ha!):





I ended up not making it to the Rio Open on Saturday - which sucked as I wanted to see Gordo’s matches. Again, it was a matter of not planning ahead and missing out on rides to the tennis courts. Gordo ended up winning his division so all praise be to the master himself.

I managed to talk Richie into going on Sunday - Justin, another room-mate - also wanted to come along so we ended up catching a cab down to the tennis courts around 11am. By the time we got there quite a few of the matches had already taken place - so we hung out, ate, watched matches and gals (female watching is mandatory in Rio..ha ha!). Bought some merchandise (picked up a snazzy hoodie and duffel bag.) Richie and I ended up staying till around 3pm and decided to head back to the house. On our way I out I just happened to look up and catch a glimpse of one of my BJJ Heros Saulo Ribeiro. I ended up getting Richie to ask him if I could take my picture with him as I was too awe struck. Here is my picture with Saulo just before his absolute matches:




So that was pretty much the week of the Rio Open - I must say that this was as good a week as I’ve ever had. Lots up ups and very few downs.

I think about this week and I feel like things can turn out for the good - the weather was nice, my friends competed, some won, some lost but they all fought hard and made themselves proud, I met some hero’s and made a new friend - which is what living life is all about - those surprises that you expect and don’t expect.

I not sure where this road (path) that I’ve taken will lead me - I just know that it feels right. But I must confess that at times it can be hard and that I do get discouraged (next blog will get into this) and want to give up and just go back to playing it safe (9-5 job, pay bills, etc…) but, for whatever reason, I keep at it. Get up and keep at it. Perhaps maybe someday “She’ll” read about me and realize she let something go that was worth having (I know I should have let her memory die a long time ago but you know, it is what it is and I cannot and will not apologise for still aching)

So here’s to running head first through all those doors that lay out before us - as the saying goes “the sun never shines on closed doors.” So bust those doors down and let some goddamn sunshine in . . .

Next blog coming soon !!!!

“Come July we’ll ride the farris-wheel round and round and if you never let me go I’ll never let you down”

A.

Update - exerpt from book

Hey, not sure if anyone reads this thing but if ya do a few things

I'm starting to feel comfortable in my job - as a high school teacher. It's a day to day thing but I'm finding my way and my place.

I'll probably be back in Brazil this summer - only for a month this time as I will be back teaching in the fall for another year then I will attempt to take another 6 months off of work to go back and train in Brazil - Rio, Gordo's school.

I've been working on a book chronicling my life during the time of deciding to quit my job and go to Brazil and my time in Brazil. Here is a small sampling - If you read this comment please. I'm hoping this can lead to other opportunities. Hoping to get it done by summer then start trying to get it published.

Here is a sample from the book "Life, Love, and Jiu Jitsu Adventures."

Chapter 2 - If Not for Bad Luck I’d have No Luck At All!

So how did a Native male from the Kainai Reservation find his way to Brazil and Gordo’s gym in Barra da Tijuca? There were a lot of factors that led me to pursue this dream and in turn make it a reality. But it can be summed up with one person’s name: Kenny Florian. Anyone familiar with the current fighter stable in the UFC will no doubt know that Kenny is a fighter who is one of the top contenders in the UFC’s 155 division. Ken-Flo (as he is known) recently (Aug. 2009) fought a losing effort for the 155 pound title against current 155 king pin and P4P fighter BJ Penn.

There were a few factors that led to my initial decision to pursue this dream and each one must be briefly mentioned and detailed in order for the full picture to be understood of what brought me to Brazil and Gordo Jiu Jitsu to forget the past, live in the moment and find a future.
I had mentioned earlier that I had made the decision to move my training to Gracie Barra Calgary and Professor Josh Russell. It is a 2 ½ hr trip from Lethbridge (where I was residing) to Calgary and the GBC academy and another 2 ½ hr trip back after training; in total I would spend 5hrs on the road to go train for 2hrs or so. Because of gas prices back then and time I was only able to make it up to Calgary to train about 2 times per week with the occasional 3rd session. But for me it was worth it as I was learning the Gi system and doing what I wanted not to mention it was keeping me out of trouble and I was making some new friends.

All was going smoothly through May, June and the early part of July. As I had mentioned because of distance and gas prices I was only able to make it up to Calgary to train twice which meant that I had to keep myself active and occupied. I would occasionally train back at Lee’s gym and also I would go for run’s and outdoor body-weight exercise routines. During one of these supplemental workout routines I had decided to go running through the hills and river valley like I usually did. All was going well about 10 minutes into my run. I had just made my way down the hill and to the river bottom trail that leads runners, walkers, bikers down from the freeway to the park along the river’s east side. I was just rounding a corner on one of the trails when I noticed some mud that had slid down from the hill (it had been raining a lot during the summer of 2008) and took note of it. I veered to my right to avoid the big pile up of mud and had just started to work my way back on the paved trail when I hit a small mound of mud and dirt and my right ankle hit just enough of it to cause my it to twist. Now keep in mind I was going a pretty good pace and the mound was a few inches off of the ground. I cried out in pain and stopped immediately. I attempted to shake it off and take a small breather to rest. I looked down at it and it was already swelling quite a bit.

I knew the ankle injury was a bad one; but here I was down in the river bottom about a good paced 20 minute run away from my apartment. I was not sure what to do and I was extremely frustrated that this had happened. I tried to walk it off but it hurt just putting any weight on it and I knew that the walk home would be about 1hr at the very least. I took a deep breath, bent down and laced up my running shoe as tight as I could get and started to jog. Let me tell you it hurt like hell but the faster I got home the faster I could start to try and get some ice on it. Well I jogged home which took about 30 minutes and after about 10 minutes the pain stopped. Of course I knew that adrenaline had kicked in as well as I’m sure some shock.

Once I got home I pulled off my shoe and was shocked at how huge it had swollen. I limped to the shower and washed off, put on some clothes and grabbed some food. By this time the pain had returned and I knew that I had a very serious injury. I put some ice on it, elevated it and chilled for the night. By the next day my ankle looked like there were two grape fruits on each side. And just walking was a reminder of my bad luck and stupidity. I limped into work that day and for about a week afterwards; by limping I mean hobbling very slowly. I was out of training and doing anything for 2 weeks. Nothing was broken but it was badly sprained and I’m very lucky I did not do worse jogging home. In hindsight I should have asked someone in the river bottom to give me a ride home. But as my mother would say “I was trying to be a hero” and it proved nothing to anyone; including myself. Chalk it up to male ego. This was 1 of 4 events (a run of bad luck?) that contributed and set in motion the decision that Brazil was somewhere I needed to go.

The next string of bad luck happened in the form of an infection on my leg. The decision to travel that far to train also had it’s setbacks. Namely, that GBC did not have a shower installed. This is fine if you’re living in Calgary and not so fine if you live 2 ½ hrs away. When I did go up to train it was always a night before planning; a lunch, my Gi and training gear, something loose to change into after my training session, and some sort of disinfectant wipes so that I could have something resembling a shower. Well for the most part this was not a problem. However, at some point it was inevitable that I would catch something - the biggest worry being Staph infection. Well at some point during the early part of July 2008 I had received a small scratch on my right thigh - no biggie. It was not really something that really grabbed my attention. In my years of doing grappling I had received 100’s of scratches and scrapes all over my body so in all honesty it did not even capture my attention, after all I was wiping myself down. Well it ended up being something that should have gotten my attention sooner. Initially, it seemed like it was a heat rash but after about a week and a half I stared to become worried. I eventually got it checked out near the end of July and found out that my leg had an infection on it. . I got some medication that cleared it up within a week or so. This occurred around the same time as my ankle injury thus I did not get it checked till late July and already being out of commission meant that I didn’t have to worry about training and spreading it around to others. On a side note; I’ve noticed that a lot of people do not practice the same discretion when going to the gym. In fact a simple shower before training would greatly aid the combat against infectious skin ailments. So take note all you disgusting, non-showering Ultimate Fighter wanna-be’s; practice safe and clean grappling and fight the fight against the outbreak of skin ailments amongst us grappling practitioners.

The 3rd and misfortune of summer of 2008 was closely related to the previous misfortune. Around the time I got the skin infection on my leg I was also having some problems with the ribs on my right side. There was some discolouration and what appeared to be bruising around the ribs. I chalked it up to the Judo throws we had been practising at GBC. Anyone who’s done even a bit of Judo will surely know how it can take a toll on the body and leaving you hurting and bruised so I assumed that was why my ribs hurt like hell. When I finally got in to see the doctor I inquired about my ribs and showed her the bruising. She took a close look and informed me that I had contracted a case of the Shingles. WTF was my immediate thought. The doctor informed me that Shingles is a form of herpes virus and is passed on from skin to skin contact. Again, my best guess would be somebody from training passed it on to me and I can be fairly certain that it was not due to any sexual activity with any nasty girls. I know this because I was in the midst of trying to woo a girl I had known for a few years and had finally taken the plunge to try and win her affections sand turned out to be quite possibly the biggest “lost cause” I’ve ever taken on.

Progress can and is a good thing - To a life well lived.

I'm finding it hard to keep up with writing the blog. I wanted to do a couple per week - at the very least. But you know stuff just does not always go as you want it. Most days Im just so tired after training all i can do is eat then try to get to bed or just lie around trying to recoup.

Well not much has been going on; well at least nothing of substantial substance. The days are spent sleeping, training, eating, training and trying to find ways to kill time in between sleeping and training.

Im not sure what's up lately but ive felt really weird - not sure if its the heat or not getting enough liquids - just kind of twitchy. hopefully things get sorted out.

i got a private lesson last a week or so back and it's really helped out with my game. I focused on some of the basics for guard passing. I've noticed a real improvement in my posture and ability to make my opponent uncomfortable and uncertain. Just to clarify I worked on my standing guard passes. I would like to do another private with the focus on standing guard passing again to just help with the kinks. I think once I've learned to do standing guard passes better I will see a rise in my submissions because my top game is pretty decent - well at least for my level. i feel that if i can get my standing guard passing and combine it with the Tozi guard passes that I can become a pretty decent and perhaps one day fearsome guard passer.

so I think that the time is right to go out and meet someone - I said that before but i was not ready. I needed to let go of some more thoughts and emotions and memories. But I do believe part of the experience down here is to meet a gal and affirm that I'm someone worth knowing and someone worth a gals time. Also, to stress to myself that they're are other people out there and that "One" heartless gal is not all there is out there...

Im going to see some fights on Sunday - One of the guys from the gym is fighting (Zoro) and we got some tickets at a reduced price. So that is my weekend plans. other than that I hope that Jason is not to hung over so that we can work on some stuff tomorrow (Saturday).

my Father is back home - he was back in the hospital last week. But from all accounts he is doing alot better now and is on the road to recovery. I cannot wait to see them (family) and see my dad again - strong and healthy.

I've been here a little over a month and I'm finally seeing improvements and progress in my jiu jitsu. As mentioned before I'm starting to hold my own with the guys around my skill and belt level. I'm really determined to get my blue belt by mid to late October and start on my long journey to Purple and even longer journey to the black belt; which will be another journey ... but I'll try not to get ahead of myself.

Well not sure what else to write about if something comes up I'll write about it.

I Found this Youtube clip of my favorite song "Here's looking at you Kid" by The Gaslight Anthem. It's a wonderful live version. Take care will the next time.



p.s. the picture is of a gal from the beach a few weeks back - and is really a statement about what is great about not just Brazil and Rio but life and forgetting the pain and moving on with life....and I do mean that nice looking blonde...ha ha!

If you never let me go I will never let you down.

Another week has come and gone. Time is flying here but at the same time the down time in between training sessions can seem like forever. Lately I've just been so groggy and tired that going out and taking pictures and trying to find new places in Barra da Tijuca has been out of the question.

I think that this is partially due to the fact that I cannot sleep the whole nigh through. Most nights i fall asleep about 1am local time and awake any time in between 3am and 5am - stay away for a few hours then either fall back asleep or stay awake and do the morning training session. Although I must confess that I've been going back to sleep the past week or so. I'm not sure why I'm not getting a full night's sleep. I guess there is still alot on my mind.

This past week has been a bit of a bummer in terms of training. I thought I was making progress but I'm once again finding that I'm getting my butt kicked by pretty much everyone in the gym again. Not sure if it's due to my lack of sleep and general lack of energy or just a down slide or the other guys are improving that much more and I'm stagnating at my current level. I'll try to take in stride and just hope that it's a minor downslide.

the new guys in the house are great to have around and the house seem to be alot more mellow - for the most part at least. So this is totally agreeing with me and my personality.

I was thinking about something one of my house mates said to me last week - he told me something about my jiu jitsu. I had suprised him with a move that i caught him with. He was helping me with my guard passing and then fed me an arm bar but started to roll out of the arm bar and with out thinking in immediately transitioned to the Kimura. This suprised him as he told me he had not seen anyone do this transition. He said something along that "my technique and knowledge is there but that I need to be more confident and believe in myself more." I believe this to be true. That i do lack the killer instinct and that certain "self-centered" quality that alot of jiu jitsu guys (or fighters) have. I'm working on this and it's a day to day thing. I'm pretty mellow by nature so it is a big step for me. Although I do believe quitting my job and coming here to Brazil to pursue one of my passions required alot of confidence and bravery on my part. I do believe that my confidence was shattered last year and throughout most of this year but I'm feeling it coming back - little by little.

I talked to my mom the other day and my dad is back home. He cannot do much and pretty much has to take things easy and rest. But this is a huge relief on my part. One week ago I was ready to go back home to be with my family and my dad. But he is getting better and it's only a matter of time before he's back up and going strong.

One thing i do miss is the fact that I can jump in my vehicle and just drive and go where i want to and not be limited like I am here. I think this is the most I've ever walked as an "Adult". I'm either walking or busing it around. I hope that I can afford to buy a bike so I can do some more exploring around Barra - there is still so much more to see.

I was thinking about when I will be coming home - I'll be here till December 15 and arrive back in Canada December 16 (sometime in the afternoon.) It's going to be blazing hot here in Brazil when I leave but if the past years are any indication - it will be cold and crappy back home in Canada. I'll also be having to live with my parents for awhile. I'm not sure what my plans are when I get back home. I've been thinking that substitute teaching may have to be my job for a while - to make some quick money.

There is a cute gal that sometimes shows up for Jiu Jitsu classes and I got to train with her tonight which was super cool. I also think she lives around my neighborhood. I think I will start showing more interest in her and hopefully things can blossom from there. If not - no biggie - but I would love to get to know this gal. I was too busy trying to focus on the moves that we were shown I did not think to ask her name like I usually do for new training partners. Next time - I will go up and say hi and talk to her. I don't foresee her changing my life but it would be nice to finally move on and take that plunge. You never know till you take that leap!

my sisters where to have come down during the long weekend in October for a quick trip. But with my dad's current health concerns and my mother's health concerns they decided it would be best to stay close to home - just in case. I'm fine with that - Ill survive. It will be comforting to know that they are there for my parents.

I'm going to a big MMA fight card this weekend. so that will be fun and an great experience. I'll definitely post pictures and give a re-cap of the fight night!

I miss going to starbucks and having my usual medium coffee and watching all the pretty girls. then again - Rio is filled to the brim with pretty girls.

I still find myself thinking about things that could have been and what "we" missed out on. But everyday is another day of moving on and healing the wounds that seemed to never heal. One day, One day I'll be something and someone that she will regret letting slip through her hands.

well that's it for now - try to write more - will definitely put up some pics from the fights this weekend.

Peace, love and thong bikinis ;)

last night in lethbridge

well tonight is my last night in Lethbridge for about 5 months. I'm actually goint to miss lethbridge - well at least my family, friends and just knowing where i am and what im doing.

I was supposed to drive up to Calgary to train once more at Gracie Barra Calgary - but my family decided they wanted to have a diner party for me so we ended up going to streetside in.

sitting around using wireless and trying to absorb it all.

I hope that I can sleep; I hope this trip goes smoothly, I hope that I have the money to make it all 4 and a half months.

I hope to forget all the dissappointment and heartache that seems to haunt me here in Southern Alberta.

Next time I post I'll be in Rio - Barra da Tijuca to be exact. I hope to start training by Monday at the latest - preferably at Gracie Barra but might have to go to Gracie Fusion as it is a bit cheap and closer to the house I'll be staying at.

I left it up to Molly to get ahold of me and if she want's to try again it's going to be up to her to win me over - it wont be hard but She has to make the effort. I cannot chase her and get nothing but disappointment and letdown. Not anymore. perhaps I'll meet a hot brazilian gal who'll make me forget all about the heartbreaker from Raymond Alberta.

Well to I hit rio here's to you and life, love and my Jiu Jitsu Adventure....

A.

Moving Forward

Well, things are looking better. I think my Visa problems have been sorted out and my Brazilian Visa should arrive Tuesday or Wednesday. Hopefully not later as my plane leaves Thursday Aug 06 @ 3pm from Calgary and arrive @ 9am Aug 7 in Rio.

I just picked up the R$550 - $550.00 in Brazilian Currancy today. Paid for the first 3 months of my stay (worked out to $1316.44 in Can funds for 3 months stay.)

Everything seems to be going teh way I'd like them to. Now if only other issues could come to a 'closer' I'd be so much happier leaving.

But I guess it's forward to whatever awaits me.

"I would have been her fool."

That it wasn’t just the same sad song

Have you ever had the experience of hearing a song that impacted you the minute you heard?  You know that feeling like the words sung are about you and your experience, if now then you are missing out.  I’ve been lucky to have experienced this phenomenon on more than one occasion.  Bands from The Rolling Stones and Beatles to Social Distortion and The Bouncing Souls and everything in between have had this effect on me.  I could go on and on about every song and band that have had this impact on me; unfortunately, that would be an arduous task that would take up the space of a few novels and an enormous amount of time that I just don’t have at the moment.

Instead I’m choosing to focus on the one band that has had the most impact on me in terms of their music, lyrics, and message.  Of course if you know a bit about my musical tastes you’ll know doubt know that my tastes are of the punk rock variety as well as music that is more of the honest, truthful, non-commercial sort.  Long story short, you’ll never hear me singing along to Nickel Back, Taylor Swift, or the Jonas Brothers.  You can add the formulaic, uninspired music known as Emo, Screamo, grind-core, basically the music with band members who all look interchangeable; long bangs, blonde streaks, tight girly pants, way too small tee shirts, music with a neo-metal tinge and the crème de la crème - cookie monster vocals.

“But Mary I’ve found the sound and this heart keeps pouring it out and the glory hasn’t come and it’s probably gonna fade like a tattoo that hides the shame…”

Of course I’m talking about The Gaslight Anthem.  I discovered them in August of 2008 and it’s been a love affair, obsession ever since.  One that I’m proud to admit; in fact, you can ask any number of people who know me about how I’ve pushed them and talked about them to no end.  Some people know honest, true and good music when they hear it – and get The Gaslight Anthem and become almost as obsessed as I am.  Others, well to each their own I guess – you can’t account for taste or lack there of.

So I could string together adjective after adjective about how much they kick ass, rule, rock the hell out.  Instead I’ll attempt to provide the proof in the songs and lyrics themselves.

“And then I heard it like a shot from my skull to my brain. I felt my finger- tips tingle and it started to rain. When the walls of my bedroom were trembling around me…”

The title of this particular blog as well as the above quote are from the song title “I’da Called You Woody, Joe” of the album Sink or Swim.  Now from what I know this song is a tribute of sorts to the late Joe Strummer of The Clash fame.  From reading the lyrics it’s about the feeling and impact that The Clash had on Brian Fallon (the singer of The Gaslight Anthem.)

Now I think that anyone who is into rock music can attest to the feeling of sitting in your room, having your ear phones on, driving your car and hearing a band or song that just hits you like a tonne of bricks.  Now I can recall the first time that I heard The Gaslight Anthem – it was less a tonne of brick and more like being steamrolled – as the first time I heard them as at work in my cubicle.  But the same overall impact – just being blown away by what I was hearing.

If you have not heard this song I suggest that you go out and buy the album, look it up on i-tunes, or perhaps youtube it.  If you’re a fan of punk rock, not emo or the garbage that is considered punk rock/alternative music nowadays, I defy you to keep still when you hear this song.  At the very least you’ll be tapping your feet.

You know that feeling of being young, broken hearted, feeling like you’re alone.  Okay maybe we’ve not all felt this but to some of us this feeling is all too familiar. The Gaslight Anthem captures this feeling perfectly with “I’da Called You Wood, Joe.” In particular, the chorus of this particular song, which is as, follows:

“And this was the sound of the very last gang in town.  As heard by my wild young heart, like directions on cold dark night; saying let it out, let it out, let it out you’re doing alright.  And I heard in his chain gang soul that it wasn’t just the same sad song. Saying let it out, let it out, let it out you’re doing alright.”

Now if you’re lucky, or perhaps unlucky, you’ll have had the pleasure of hearing me sing along (yell?) out this chorus.  In all honesty, if you love a good rock song, then I cannot fathom how anyone cannot just get the overwhelming urge to get up and yell at the top of their lungs to this song.  The music, the lyrics are perfect – they bring me back to those times when all that mattered was your favorite band, the beer in your hand, mending your broken heart and that very moment; nothing less, nothing more.

“And I carried these songs like a comfort where ever I’d go.  And they was there when my summers was high and there when she left me alone; saying my soul is hard to find.”

It’s odd how the very feeling that Brain had listening to The Clash was my very story.  I discovered The Gaslight Anthem during the summer of 2008.  I really thought that summer was going to be my summer; when things all feel together.  After a year and a half of aching for a particular gal I finally got the courage to act on my feelings, I was training at Grace Barra and noticing the difference in my Jiu Jitsu, I had a steady job that I liked and had kept for a few years, my mother was getting better.  Yeah things were looking pretty spectacular – I was going to finally shine, my turn to be the star of the play we call life.  But as most things in life, this string of good luck was only fleeting.  And really The Gaslight Anthem came into my life when “my summers was high and there when she left me alone.”  In short I’ll always remember the summer of 2008 as the summer of ‘disappointment’ but also the summer I discovered The Gaslight Anthem.  If nothing else I can look back at that and someday see that the summer of 2008 was not so bad because The Gaslight Anthem and their healing sounds came into my life.

“I’m famous now for all these rock-n-roll songs and even if that’s a lie, she should have given me a try.”

Ahh, unrequited love, broken hearts, Saturday night’s alone waiting for a that phone call that will never come, the one that got away.  It’s safe to say that a full encyclopedia’s worth space could be dedicated to all the songs written about the subject and or along similar themes.  I must confess that I am a sucker for a good broken hearted song; in fact it does not necessarily have to be good – as I sheepishly admit to being a fan of cheesy 80’s heavy metal ballads.

However, it takes more than some cheesy lines and worn out clichés to truly make a memorable and timeless song on topic that has been done to death; flogging a dead horse would be putting it mildly.  But every once in awhile you come across a band that gets it right the perfect music, perfect lyrics, perfect! The Gaslight Anthem hits it dead on with their track entitled “Here’s looking at you, Kid” off of the album The ’59 Sound.

I can vividly remember the first time I heard this particular song.  I was stuck in cubicle hell in the midst of my summer of discontent (lord did I just commit that to writing?)  Have you ever had the pleasure of having a song bring you tears?  Well, I was fortunate enough to avoid having that happen at work but it was close.  If you have not heard this song I suggest going to my lone blog for April 2009, as I was able to embed a youtube clip of the song in that particular blog.  Once you hear it you’ll know why and if you’ve read my April blog you’ll know who brought the sadness and whose name can be input in place of that names mentioned in this particular track.  If not that’s cool to.

The song is essentially about 3 gals (Gale, Jane, Anna) who’ve broken the singer’s heart and did not see what they had in front of them; letting a good thing get away for what at the time, seemed like the flashier choice.  What I like about the song is that is not intended as a malicious rant against the ones who played the roll of the “cold hearted bitch.”  Instead it’s just, in my interpretation, a final ‘sigh’ and ‘good-bye’ to the gals done via song.  I believe that most of us have had at least one of those “I wish I was want you wanted but I’m not and that’s the worst feeling in the world” encounters.  I know I have and I think that’s why this song resonates with me as much as it does.

Although the song as whole is about as strong as a song can be there are a couple of stand out moments within this particular song both lyrically and musically.  I’ll attempt to describe and convey them to you.

The first instance occurs approximately 28 seconds into the song with the following lines:

“When we were kids on the field on the first day of school, I would have been her fool.  And I would have sang out your name in those old high school halls.  You tell that Gale if she calls.” 

This particular part of the song always gets me.  I guess it’s because I finally met someone who made me feel like singing out loud for, who I would followed to the ends of time and back again, who I would have gladly been a fool for.  But of course as with most things in life what seems too good to be true is most likely too good to be true; an illusion if you will.  A huge disappointment in a life filled with disappointment.

“And tell her I spent every night of my youth on the floor; bleeding out from all these wounds.  And I would have gotten her right out of that town she despises.  You tell that Jane’y if she writes.”

When you’re aching for the one person that will never be yours thoughts seem to run in and out of  your head over and over.  What was wrong with me, why could she not see in me what others see, why would she want to stay where she is when we could see the world together?  You know, just basically killing yourself wondering what you could have done to win them over and take a chance you.

“You remind Anna if she asks why?  That a thief stole my heart while she was making up her mind.  I heard she lives in Brooklyn with the cool and goes crazy over that New York scene on 7^th avenue.  But I used to wait in the diner a million nights without her, praying she won’t cancel again tonight.”

Hmm, probably summing up everything that is song is about – waiting for someone who’ll never show up, never call, never see what they’re missing out on.  I can relate to being stuck on someone who just not seem to know what she wants; who seems to be falling for the supposed “cool” fad, life, people.

Waiting alone in diner, well in my case a coffee shop, waiting for someone to show up – hoping they won’t cancel, stand me up, bring a sister or friend along if they do show, or not bothering to even acknowledge you’d asked them out then contacting you a week later like nothing ever happened.

One thing to also point out in this song is the “look what you could have had” factor.  Exemplified by the following opening lines to the first two first verses.

“You can tell Gale if she call’s, that I’m famous now for all these rock and roll songs and even if that’s a lie, she should have given me a try.”

“You can tell Jane if she writes, that I’m drunk off all these stars and crazy Hollywood nights.  That’s total deceit but she should have married me.”

To me this is what I find myself doing – hoping that I’m more that I really am.  That I’m someone who is loving life, forgotten all about her because my life is so great, that my dreams are coming true.  But really none of that would be true because I’m still stuck here, still longing for her, still waiting for that phone call, text or e-mail that never comes.

Look at me; I have money, a great job, I’m traveling, I’m a Jiu Jitsu star.  But really I’m not anything of note; just the same old Andre.  While she’s off living her life I cannot get over the part of my life that had her in it.  And I could lie about all my accomplishments but it would not make one single iota’s difference.  I’ll never be what she wants – even less so as the days go by.  I just get older, more in debt, yet still chasing pots of gold that seem so distant and empty sometimes.

I really could go on and on about The Gaslight Anthem and I will post other stuff about them.  Like my fantastic trip through the Rocky Mountains – braving November weather – to see them open for 3 other bands last year.  Or the amazing night they played in Calgary where I got to forget life for awhile and hang with good friends.  I’ve got so much to say about them.  But save some for later dates is what I say. If I’ve tweaked your interest go out look them up, buy their album, they are playing in Calgary on September 07, 2009.  At the very least youtube them and find out why they mean so much to me.  Find out why they are not just another band and why all their sad songs are not just the same old sad songs. I’ve got nothing but time so I’ll end with:

“No it’s hard to tell you this, no it’s hard to tell you this.  Here’s looking at you kid.”

White Stripes

Okay this is not about that pale gal who plays drums with that even paler guy who plays guitar – you know the rock and roll band The White Stripes.  This about a different type of white stripes; the white stripes that you find on the belts that are used to denote a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu players level of competence.

 

The belts in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ being grappling in a Gi) are as follows:

 

White – Blue – Purple – Brown –Black.

 

The white belt being the starting point with the eventual goal of the coveted black belt being the ultimate goal of a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu practitioner.  Hence, I would start out as a white belt and at some point get promoted to Blue, then Purple, Brown and finally a Black Belt – in my limited knowledge (laziness) it would appear that most martial arts hold the black belt as the highest level (from there you get degrees – 6^th degree black belt, etc…)  Within in BJJ (Brazilian Jiu Jitsu) each belt is also denoted by white stripes – little stripes of white tape – on the end of the of a BJJ practitioner’s belt.  Each belt can accumulate up to 4 stripes before the practitioner will be ready to move on to the next colour belt.  For example a person may be a 4 stripe Blue belt; now once his or her instructor feels they are ready to move up (gained a certain level of competence) they will not receive a fifth stripe on their blue belt they will in fact be awarded their 0 stripe Purple then begin the task of working their way up; 1 stripe purple, 2 stripe purple, etc.  Does this make sense? I hope so.  If not then maybe do some further research as I’m just not here to do that nor do I feel like doing that for anyone.  Capiche?

 

Now let me digress a bit.

 

I formally started off doing a form of BJJ that some call No-Gi Grappling or Submission Grappling in 2004.  I had been a fan of the UFC, Pride, MMA (mixed martial arts) since I first had the opportunity to view it in 1995.  But at that time there really few options for a budding grappler – outside of judo or high school wrestling – in Southern Alberta; hence not really having many options to pursue this particular interest.  One afternoon in May of 2004 I happened to come across a variety show on one of the local stations.  On this particular day they just so happened to have Lee Mein and one of his local fighters who were training for a fight and doing a little demo for the TV program.  Lee and his student were showing off various moves from BJJ.  Now being a relative newbie to the whole grappling – outside of enjoying the ground game (as it’s called) on MMA pay-per-views programs.  I took it for what it was worth and ended up going to Lee’s club and joining up a few weeks later.  Thus I became a BJJ practitioner (some may argue this point – the whole No-Gi vs Gi debate that causes much anger and discontent amongst practitioners).  I refuse to get into that debate as it tends to anger people and at times cause fallout.  So for my sake and ego I became a BJJ practitioner in late May/early June of 2004 (the exact date escapes me at this time.)

 

I could really go on and on about my time at Lee’s gym – and at some point there will be other stories – but for the time being I’m going to get to the point of this little digression.  In April of 2007 I earned my blue belt in BJJ Mr. Roy Harris.  To me it had been 3 yrs of on and off hard work.  I say on and off because I had decided to go back to school and get my Education Degree during the spring of 2004 and formally joined the Faculty of Education at the University of Lethbridge in September of 2004.  In between school and work it was hard to totally dedicate my time to my new pursuit – but I did what I could.  Some believe that belts and such are of no importance within grappling world; to this I say hogwash.  In my opinion a true BJJ practitioner will hold the belts with the utmost respect and pride; it signifies a level not only competence but also a certain level of knowledge.  In addition, it also signifies a level of dedication and commitment on the practitioner’s part.  Feel free to disagree with me; in the end it’s just my opinion and yours.

 

Now Lee’s gym is purely focused on the No-gi Grappling and  how it transfers better to mixed martial arts.  Which was fine with me; as I do believe that you do good with what you have and make the most of what you have to work with.  However with the popularity of the MMA there was a significant influx of what I like to call the “douche-bag” factor at my local gym (dojo –but really saying dojo makes me feel like the karate kid) which really took away some of the camaraderie, friendship, openness that the gym had when I first joined it.  Now you were having to deal with Bench Monkeys who knew no concept of what it means to roll, go lightly, have fun; in addition the respect that I feel BJJ instills in a practitioner.  Now the gym was overrun with muscle bound goons who were out to be the ‘Next’ Ultimate Fighter.  Which really made for some nerve wracking No-Gi Sessions as well as a longing for the old days when the gym was not so popular and you actually had that sense of family.  Don’t get me wrong, there are and still are some really great guys that train at the gym – I call the OF’s (Original Fighters) the core group of fighters at this gym who were doing this whole MMA thing long before it became the new extreme sport.

 

As luck would have it a new light came shining through in the form of Gracie Barra Black Belt Josh Russell.  An acquaintance of my from the CMAC (Canadian Martial Arts Centre – Lee’s gym) had informed me that he had taken some private lessons with Josh and the he had learned quite a lot during these sessions.  My curiosity had been spurned and contacted Josh. This was during the summer of 2007; well one thing led to another and I never really made the true effort to get a private lesson with Josh.

 

The Fall of 2007 was what I call the season of my mothers rebirth.  Now without going into to many details. My mother had been sick for a few years prior to the fall of 2007 – during which time doctors had been unable to correctly diagnose her ailment.  After a close call in May of 2007 the physicians finally got it right and realized that she had liver disease and would require a new liver; in the meantime she would have to endure frequent visits to the hospitals to get a procedure known as ‘banding.’  Well long story short during the month of October 2007 my mother got the call that a liver had been found – blessing answered.  Joy all round, my fears somewhat alleviated.  The time was right to stop worrying about my mother’s health as she was going to be better and start caring about my life again.  I say this without any hint malice – as I would gladly give my life for my mother or any other member of my family.  It’s just that I was ready to start doing the things I loved doing again as I had put everything on hold during this time.   Jiu Jitsu being one of the things I ceased to do.  Now my mothers trials and the story of that are for another time and perhaps may just be left alone.  If I do write about them then you’ll know the full story if not; well you know enough.

 

So with my newfound willingness and wanting to get back to my life; I made contact with Josh during December of that year.  I ended up booking some time for a private lesson on a Saturday afternoon in December.  As I don’t have my notes on had – at this time I cannot accurately remember what Josh helped me with that day.  What I do know was that I learned more in that one hours session than I had in the previous year.  It is an amazing thing to have a high level black belt give you pointers and weed out small things you need to do and should be doing for any number of techniques.  I enjoyed it so much that I booked another private training session for a few weeks later.  I continued to take a private lesson here and there with Josh well into 2008.

 

So in April of 2008 I decided that I would join Gracie Barra Calgary as I realized that I really wanted to learn true Brazilian Jiu Jitsu – meaning Jiu Jitsu with a Gi on.  From about May to early September of 2008 I was making trips up to Calgary to train at Gracie Barra – a 2 ½ hour drive (one way).  I must say it was tiring but well worth the skills I was learning and atmosphere I found myself in.  Unfortunately, a major ankle injury, a skin infection on my leg, as well as a few other mishaps all conspired to blow the wind out of my sails and I stopped going to train.  Essentially I ended up wasting a few months of dues stuck in a major depressive episode in which all I could really do was get up in the morning and drag myself to work.  It took all my energy just to do that and make it through the day.  Jiu Jitsu was always on my mind; among other things.  I keep saying that “today’ would be the day I would make it back up and train do what I love doing.  I said this everyday during the fall or 2008.   But I never did make it up back up to train at Gracie Barra after early September 2008.  I just did not have the mental strength to get over my troubles and get that ‘willingness’ and ‘desire’ to forcefully get myself out of the dark days I found myself in.

 

Even more digression!

Sometimes I wonder if I’m truly messed up in the head or just in love with being sad; or perhaps a combination of both.  I really don’t know; most days I just accept the fact that I do have some emotional and mental issues that are just there.  I would really not want anyone to have to go through the kind of mental states that I find myself in at times.  Does this make me any less of a person?  I would hope not – I feel that I do the best I can and for my part I do believe that 95% of the time I’m a good person who is caring, loving and giving.  I give everything to the ones and things in my life that I love.  It’s just that other 5% of the time that seems to creep in and make me feel bad for my lack of sociability and/or approachability.  All I can do is just try to keep my head above the crap that I deal with from time to time and hope that while in the dark days that I don’t burn any bridges or hurt anyone deeply.  For the most part I feel that I’m successful and the people that do know me know that I just need to be given time and left to my own – that the “Real Andre” will come back and the “closed in” creep is only temporary.

 

Back on topic - sorta!

I believe that one must be good to themselves and be able to look themselves in the mirror and be happy with what they see staring back at them.  This involves forging and strengthening the relationships in your life.  Relationships being with people and with the activities that you love doing; hence, in January of 2009 I came back to a love of mine.  I started training back at Gracie Barra Calgary and reacquainted myself with BJJ.  Starting to train again I believe is and was ‘me’ being good to myself.  I must be honest and say that I have only been going off and on – as the weather, work, and life in general just work together (or so it seems) to not allow me to get up to train as much as I would like to.  Take today (June 03, 2009) for instance; I had been in a meeting for most of the day, got out of it, then had a pile of work to do.  By the end of the day I just did not have it in me to rush home, pack up, then make the 2 1/2hr drive up to Calgary – then drive back, arrive home about 12:00am, shower, try to unwind and hope that I can fall asleep by about 1am if I’m lucky (most nights I’m up a lot later than 1am.)  Then get up at 7am to do it all over again.   A year ago I was mentally stronger, without as much emotional baggage that is still lingering around me.  I’m working on getting to a point where I’m strong enough to get up there a few times a week.  There is also the issue of gas prices, money; as I am trying to save money for my large adventure.

 

Now in my time training at Gracie Barra I’ve come to realize that my BJJ as not where I felt it should be – especially in terms of wearing a gi.  So once I joined Gracie Barra Calgary I willfully accepted going back to white belt – no disrespect to my former trainers and Mr. Harris.  But I was just not up to par with the guys in the gym.  I feel that I had been able to keep up my training that I would have no doubt been promoted to Blue Belt by now under Gracie Barra and confirmed and strengthened my original awarding of blue belt.  Long story short – I’ve been stuck at the white belt stage for over a year now (roughly the time I’ve spent training at Gracie Barra Calgary) without any stripes.  Which has been a source of disappointment for me – as I know that the knowledge is there it’s just a matter of putting the mat time in and refining and applying my technique.  I’ve come to accept that at this time it’s monumental for me to even get up there once a week – which is about what I’ve been stuck at.  But it still eats away at you as you see others who’ve trained for less time rise in the ranks; both in the color of their belt and or stripes, as well as their overall application and mastery of their techniques.

 

So there I was up in Calgary last week – I had actually made it up to train.  Holding my own, at times, but mostly getting dominated left and right – which is humbling but also a learning lesson.  Class was over and I was eager to hit the road, go over what we had drilled that night, listen to music and get home a bit earlier than I usually do – as it was a Tuesday and I managed to get to the Gi class but was not going to stay for the No-Gi class afterwards.  So part of the tradition is to line up at the end of class and bow out (paying respect to the pioneers as well as Professor Russell).  Now on occasion new belt promotions as well as stripes for each belt will be awarded at this time – I’ve seen it and I’m sure that had I been able to keep up my training that I would have been part of the receiving.  This night Josh began to award some stripes – I stood there somewhat jealous as the first student went up and received his second stripe on his white belt.

 

Now let me explain this process; what happens is the student is called up Josh then proceeds to either add stripes to an existing belt or even award a new belt color – I’ve only witnessed this once – last Tuesday to be exact.  So the first student went up then went down the line and was congratulated by all of the students in attendance.  After he had gone through Josh was ready to call the next student up.  Low and behold Josh called out my name:

 

Andre!  Josh said something along the lines of “long over due.”  I ended up getting two stripes on my belt.  So going from zero to two was a huge surprise.

 

So I realize that in the grand scheme of things that this is insignificant – both in terms of the world as a whole and the jiu jitsu world itself.  But to someone who’s been in a personal hell that just does seem to be going away.  It means everything.  It’s an acknowledgement that I’m not wasting my time. That I’m doing something that someone recognizes.  More than anything it’s made me realize that I’m really someone worth being treated with respect and that I don’t have to settle for however someone decides they’re going to treat me.  That I’m someone worth knowing and that I’m on the right path and that I’ve found something (outside of family and a few close friends) that is worth loving.

 

So here’s to long day’s at work, rushing up to Calgary to try and refine my skills in the world of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, being alone and listening to my favorite songs during the drives to and fro, trainings sessions that are both exhilarating and exhausting, friendships forged and strengthened, a sense of self worth and self acceptance.

 

And finally,

 

Here’s to 2 white stripes that have renewed my soul, allowed me to see the light again and lit the jiu jitsu fire inside me that had been almost put out forever.

I would have been her fool.

*I was bit late with actually publishing this - was not sure I wanted to -but the last weeks events have decided for me.  For good or bad here is my 2nd blog.

Well here I am trying this blogging thing again.  It's a bit scary to put yourself out there but in the end most of the people who read this will never know me and the people that do know me - well I've shared my blog address and feel comfortable with them knowing things about me.

Before you read this maybe click on the link below for sound track - well a Youtube link - provided by The Gaslight Anthem.  This song sums up everything I've felt about who and what I'm going to blog about:

So i met this gal named M011y a few years back and well really never thought much of it. But of course about a year ago I started to have feelings for her and well decided to give her a shot.

 A very pretty gal and really someone that for the most part was outta my league.  Well she was younger, blonde, white, and mormon.  So anyone familiar with southern Alberta would know that these particular things do make a difference and do matter - if one person is of Native descent they matter even that much more -never mind the age thing (I'm in my 30's she's in her 20's) it was definitely us being from completely different worlds that scared me and really never allowed me to take a chance on her - well at least initially -

So about a year ago (May 2008) I decided to just go for it and try and see what happens.  I guess a year and a half of admiring and longing for someone from afar and not ever really taking the chance to see what can happen and what could be possible.  Most of all maybe being tired of what I may have been losing out on.  So I started to make small steps with her.  Asking more and more what she liked to do in her off time.  Such silly questions as "do you like coffee, M011Y?" "do you like going to concerts?" "Maybe if you're around you want to stop by and say hi."  Just never really coming out and asking her if she'd like to go out but leaving little hints here and there - I guess not really "going for it" but attempting to plant the seeds of something.  What that something was - I knew what I had hoped for but was really unsure of whether it was feasible 'thing.'

I guess I just really hoped that the beautiful, blonde, blue eyed goddess would actually want to be with a guy like me.  You know dream big and hope for the unattainable to be attainable and within my grasp.

Well it never really turned out the way I would have liked-does anything?  months of being stood up, not having calls returned, mixed signals, and just plain being treated crappy by her took their toll on me.  So in December of last year (2008) I sent her one last letter just telling her how I felt and that I was going to stop talking to her.  Was it a mistake?  I don't know but I do believe it had to be done - for good or bad.  I needed to make that decision for myself and what not.  And it was the hardest thing to do.  Part of my just wanted to be happy with anything she threw my way - even if it hurt cause at least she'd be in my life.  But you know...

But I guess sometimes you just fall flat on your face and what you thought was going to be yours was really just an illusion.  And all you thought you had was really nothing at all.  

I had a bit of an emotional breakdown last week and the only thing on my mind was Molly - not sure why as it's been ages since we last spoke or had anything to do with each other.  Long story short I ended up writing her this long, rambling e-mail that really made no sense and really did not serve any purpose other than making looks like an obsessive fool.  I guess in the haze of anxiety and depression you cling to what you want the most - and well there are many things I've wanted and had throughout my life but Molly was and is what I still long for.

I guess that it is true - you do want the things that you can't have.  I guess for once I just wanted to be with someone that really made me feel good, excited, and better about myself.  I guess it was cause of how she looks - because lets be honest; girls like her are never with guys like me.

I have not heard back from her and it's been over a week - I guess part of me knows that it's dead.  Which is good in the sense that I know I need to move on.  On the other hand it's painful because you realize the only person you want to be with does not want to be with you and in all likelihood has delegated your memory to the trash bin.

So I've re-worded the Gaslight Anthem song - I guess my last bit of sadness (I Hope but really she'll always be on my mind) that I'll dedicate to Molly:

You can tell Molly if she calls; that I'm famous now for all these Rock and Roll Songs.  Even if that's a lie she should have given me a try.  I would have been her fool  and I would have sang out your name in these old University Halls; you tell that to Molly if she calls.

And you can tell Molly if she writes that I'm drunk off of all these stars and crazy Rio de Janeiro nights.  That's total deceit but she should have married me.  And tell her I spent every night dying on the floor bleeding out from all these wounds.  I would have gotten her right out of Raymond, AB.  You tell that to Molly if she writes.

But boys will be boys and girls have those eyes that'll cut you to ribbons sometimes.  And all you can do is wait by the phone and hope that she hasn't forgotten you.

You remind Molly if she asks why? That a thief stole my heart while she was deciding what she wanted.  Heard she's still living the "cool"; goes crazy over that scene I'll never understand.  But I used to wait in the coffee shop a million nights without her; praying she won't stand me up again.  And the pretty waitress served my coffee with a consolation smile.  You remind Molly if she asks why?

Tell her it's alright

It's hard to tell you this, no it's hard to tell you this.

Here's looking at you kid (molly).

So I really don't know what to think about myself, molly, and just life in general right now.  I'm in a world of hurt at the moment.  I guess all I can hope for is to feel better tomorrow and the next day and the next...

And for all that's been said - I will say that Molly I would have followed you anywhere and taken you through all of my life's journey's - through ups and downs I would have stood there by you.  Molly I would have gladly been your fool....